Earlier this week I shared a post about PLAY and how it has improved my life.  When we are little kids everything can be play.  Life is a constant adventure and we thrive on it.  As we get older, we are continually told that we cannot PLAY anymore.  Sure, we can “play” like grown-ups but society frowns if you tap into that childhood magick of PLAY.

You might be thinking what the hell does she mean by PLAY?  What I mean is just having fun.  Remember when you just danced for no reason, just because you loved moving to good music?  Remember when a slide or a swing was pure joy.  I remember the freedom of fun as a child and I realized I was stifling that joy and fun as an adult. 

When I finally became aware of this, I decided I was going to bring more PLAY back into my life.  I started last month being more aware of when and how I was having fun.  When I was with my friends and family I stopped worrying about work.  I stopped being on my phone constantly.  I stopped fretting about spending money.

I started laughing, trusting, surrendering and tapping into my feminine energy.  FLOW.  Flow and fun go hand in hand.  It is amazing, once you understand this, how much more your life opens.  I stared making more money, I started tapping into my creativity and I started sharing some powerful authenticity.

It was freedom.  Freedom is one of my words for this year and I never would have imagined that PLAY would be one of the ways I would find it.  The energy of being a child is freedom…that energy is PLAY.

I am going to continue to incorporate PLAY into my life daily.  The beauty of PLAY is that it doesn’t have to be extravagant, it is purely simple and magickal. Dancing in my kitchen, riding bikes with my husband, swimming, laughing etc.
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How can you incorporate more PLAY into your life? 

We hear this phrase often, especially when you are a new entrepreneur trying to get started in your field.  Last week, I had a moment of pure happiness and I realized I’ve been feeling very happy for awhile now.  I also realized, that I question if I deserve this happiness every time I feel it. 

This brought up so many thoughts and feelings for me.  Like holy shit, I’ve been telling the universe I am not sure if I deserve to be happy.  What. The. Fuck.

Of course, I deserve to be happy, we all deserve to be happy.  To feel joy and peace in our lives, in our bodies, in ourselves.  I had to have a serious check-in with myself.  I am consistently talking to others about their worthiness and their desires.  Speaking about taking back your body and life.  Living the life, you desire.  If I am speaking to others about this and how much they deserve it; why am I questioning this for myself?

Queue imposter syndrome.  Whoa, turns out you can have this in other areas of your life. 

So, I sat down and spent some time with my feelings and thoughts around this realization.  Leaned into why I was questioning having something I worked to get.  I had to shed so many limiting beliefs to get here, to learn and love my body, to grow through some shit.  Why was I putting these feelings of un-worthiness out into the world?

The truth is I spent so much of my life living in this feeling of constant stress and worry.  I always saw happiness as this final achievement and something I was always going to have to chase.  I frequently felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy because being un-happy was some sort of karmic punishment I deserved.  These limiting beliefs are why I was still questioning if I deserved to feel this fucking happy.

These are things I have spent years working through.  I still have healing to do in this area.  This is okay! Healing is cyclical.  We continue to come back to the things we still need to heal.  This is how we grow, learn, and heal.

Now that I have this awareness, I have two choices.  I can ignore it and keep walking this tight rope of worthiness or I can dive in and work through this to figure out what I need to heal completely.
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I will choose the second option. I intend to spend some time journaling and really diving into why I am not 100% on board for my own worthiness to be fucking happy.  I will do this for me but also for all the womxn I am here to serve.  To ensure that I have the knowledge and ability to help them do the same.