Content Warning. Rape/Sexual Assault.
The Journey of taking back my Sacral Chakra and my Uterus has been a decade in the making. I shared an immensely vulnerable blog post last year about my rape. I now know that was the first leap I needed to take, to begin this journey of release and deep healing. To awaken and discover my true purpose and power.
I initially planned on sharing this as I was on my journey, but I realize I needed to process before I could share. Thank you for being here and I hope this helps you in some way.
I was raped at 16, by someone who was close to me. That one moment changed me. It changed every moment of my life from that point on. It took me almost 18 years to even say out loud what happened to me. It took me another 6 months before I truly started processing how that changed my life. Who I had been for those 18 years? How to start letting go of that moment and who I was in my unprocessed trauma.
In October of 2019 I took some yoga classes. I had profound awakening moments during these classes. I cried as I held my body in positions it has never been. I received downloads to share this message with all of you. I received the knowledge that I had given away the power I held in my sacral. The intuition I was born with. The connection to myself and Mother Nature.
It was not easy for me to admit that I had done this to protect myself. It was the hardest truth I had to admit to myself, at that time. It was also the most powerful awareness of my purpose on this planet. One I am still coming into.
It has been a roller coaster of awakening and hibernation. I have had to recognize the ways I had been a toxic person to people around me. To accept that much of that came from my inability to admit what was done to me. To face the darkness, I had carried in my body and my being for almost two decades.
I had to apologize to my husband for the decade of anger and struggle. To thank him for loving me every day, even though it was sometimes an impossible thing to do. To find my connection with him in new ways. To allow him to take care of me, something I had rarely done in our life together.
Since October 2019, if have been on a path of immense shadow work. Digging into my energetic cords, ancestral contracts, my disconnection with the power of Nature, and the shackles I had been carrying. This past year has been the most powerfully transformative year of my life, so far.
I have done deep spiritual work. Recognizing my own shadows, cutting ties to that moment and the person who did that to me, and forgiving myself for living in toxicity. Forgiving myself over and over. To say it has been painful and freeing does not really touch it, but it is the best way I can explain it.
Last week I was able to fully release the remaining cords I had to my trauma and everything that transpired after. I was getting ready to go to bed and felt a deep cord tied inside my uterus/sacral chakra. When I cut that cord and sent it out to the Universe, I felt a deep peace wash over me. I felt my mind finally stop the story I had been repeating over the last 18 months. I always say healing is cyclical and this past year has been a powerful reminder of this.
I want to take a pause and acknowledge that this is not going to be the same journey someone else can make. This was a deeply personal process for me. There is no healing band-aid that works for everyone. You can process in whatever way you feel is best for you. I also want to remind you that you are not alone and when you are ready, ask for what you need.
I want to now focus on the beautiful things that came from this. I have embraced my purpose and myself in ways I would not have thought possible. I have received downloads to create 3 amazing coaching programs. I have tapped into my intuition in a deeply powerful way and it has allowed me to help my clients in more meaningful ways.
My husband and I have connected in ways we never have before. Healing our relationship and our life, together. We speak to each other about our dreams and the life we want to create. This has been an exceptionally long process, but we are getting there. I am so thankful to have a partner who sees me, listens to me, and loves me in all my messiness.
I have started doing some energy work to help me go deeper. I started journaling and working with my subconscious mind to fully release the last remaining remnants in my body and spirit. I have cracked myself open and embraced my darkness. I have learned to love myself in an even deeper way.
I have connected back to my sacral chakra and know that it is completely mine again. I can feel the deep energetic connection to the Earth, my power, and the collective world around me. I feel safe to love my life completely. To trust that the hard moments will pass and the amazing things I dream about will come to fruition.
I trust myself to serve other women in my purpose and passion. I know why I am here. I understand why I had to go on this journey and am so thankful that chose to follow it.
I cannot wait to see where I get to go from here. How this will continue to change my clients, myself, and my life.
Thank you for following along on this journey.
Erin is a Spiritual Life Coach and Reiki Master Teacher. She started this blog as a way to share her self-love and body acceptance journey. Over the past 5 years it has become her business, her passion, and her purpose. She has created coaching programs to help other women find their truth, love their bodies, and embody their power and purpose.